I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
