I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
