My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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