I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize