My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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