best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
