I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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