My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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