He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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