Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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