I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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