i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
