bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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