I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
