I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
