if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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