I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize