So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
