Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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