Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
