remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
