Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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