U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
