we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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