You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
its not stalking. its research.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
