u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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