We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
