I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
