Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
