The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
