Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
