isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize