I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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