HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
