if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wish my penis had a tongue
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize