first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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