I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dear god my vagina.
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