Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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