I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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