Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
