u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
