So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
