There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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