he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
