Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
