She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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