oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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