I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
