What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
