We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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