Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize