I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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