After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize