I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
