I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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