im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
