yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
