Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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