I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
