dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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