Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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