I will die if light touches me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
