but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I die, sorry about rent.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
