Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
