yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
