Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
