Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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