You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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