dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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