At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
being pregnant is like rehab
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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