just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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