Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
