His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
