hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
