I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He passed out mid-signature
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sext me about skeletons
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
