ugly people sure do ruin things
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
