So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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