Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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