So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The air was thick with penises
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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