I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
