Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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