you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
