hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
