If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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