I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
