whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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