mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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