I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
