So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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