you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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