ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
