she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
