This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
