Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm at about main and main street
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
