My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
