Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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